Loser News

News you didn’t know you didn’t need…


Category: Things Ron Doesn’t Get

  • My Reproductive Rights

    Hi, I’m Ron, and I’m sick and tired of people trying to take away my reproductive rights!! I mean, if my significant other happens to somehow get pregnant, and I decide to keep the child, it’s nobody’s business but my own! Ohhh, that’s not my decison to make?!? Hmmm… Well, if I decide I want…

  • Frankie Say..Skinny Jeans!!

    That’s right! The latest sensation sweeping the nation is “Skinny Jeans” (pronounced: szkin’-nee jeenz).  Much like it’s predecessor, “Baggie Jeans”, it’s a fashionable way for America’s youth to say, “If you want to know who I am, look at my pants!” Cut low in the waist and rapidly reducing in gerth to a mere three centimeters at…

  • Altered States…

    Did you see that movie?!  What a smelly sci-fi poop-wad.  Anyway, this week is going by FAST.  So fast that I’ve even begun to question the constancy of time.  I tried to engage Ron in a lively debate in regard to this issue, but he simply refused to allow for the possiblity of time being subject…

  • The Next Big Thing

    Just like you, I’m trying to come up with a good Bigfoot movie.  Nobody’s done this cinematic theme justice since the eighties, so this morning I graced Ron at the Rear Gate with some of my movie ideas, and he had the nerve to dispute their worth.  I started with Walking Big, a tragic yet…