Loser News

News you didn’t know you didn’t need…

Category: Health & Fitness

  • An Extra-Strength Reincarnycol Testimonial

    OMG!!! After a lifetime of of yo-yo dieting, gaining back even more weight every time I quit, getting shot and killed and spending the next 12 years being dead, I was about to give up on any chance of weight loss. I knew the risks associated with gastric bypass, and even though I was dead,…

  • Straight Dope-With Margaret Sanger

    Hey, all my homies and G’s!  Now, I know how all the young people like to knock boots around the holidays, and to all of them, I say, “Kudos!” But I also must warn all my dawgs and shorties of the dangers of such illicit activities. Sho ’nuff, I’m talking about babies; rugrats, chillins’, those…

  • The Manson Mental Health Minute

    Holy beefy bistros!! I borrowed a book from my neighbor, who said he thought I would “enjoy it”, which as you know means that it is a secret government document that only I can decipher by using the mystical De Manson Code.  Here’s what it said:  Heat oven to 375°F. Gently scrub potatoes, but do…

  • Ask Dr. Baddadvaisz

    Dear Dr. Baddadvaisz, I’m a thirty year old female suffering from Macular Degeneration. The UK just approved embryonic stem cell treatment as an experimental cure. I hate the thought of destroying a fertilized human egg, but I really don’t want to lose my sight. Help! Sincerely, Blinded By The Right Dear Belinda, You have the…