Loser News

News you didn’t know you didn’t need…


Category: Articles Becky Won’t Let Her Kids Read

  • Effective Hassling Techniques – With “The Man”

    Hi-ho, chums. It’s me, “The Man”. Now, a number of you have contacted me on my cellular telephone or over the World Wide Internet asking how to apply my hassling techniques in your everyday lives. In truth, effective hassling is not just a set  of gimmicks to get people to do what you want. Rather,…

  • America’s Marginally Wanted

    The FBI added another suspect to its most wanted list earlier today, alerting the public that he was armed, possibly dangerous, probably unstable, and definitely lactose intolerant. The man (pictured at right), known as Sheik Shaggy Von Brady, is currently being sought for questioning, and probably elimination, by US agencies, Interpol, the KGB, the NRA,…

  • Problematic Poopers

    We got new toilets, America! That’s right, we can now process our food and drink with the confidence that only a Kohler commode bestows. Unfortunately, this leaves me with a vexing duo of conundrums, namely “used toilets”. Now being the thrifty shopper that I am, I was sure there was some charity out there that…

  • The Cutting Edge

    BRITTON, Mi-A local amateur lumberjack stumbled upon an amazing find while urinating in the woods near his home. “I’ve been peeing in those woods for years,” the Michigander related. “Guess I shouldn’t walk while I do it.” The man, known only as “That Tim Guy”, found several rectangular-trunked trees in a grotto just beyond his…