Tag: granola
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Astrobiologists Accomplish…Something
Bored astrobiologists reported yesterday that they would be reevaluating the system used to gauge distance in the universe. “We were just sitting on our thumbs till they find some actual biology in space,” related NAI Director and granola girl, Penelope Boston, “but then Rory (referring to Rory Koffahoff, head of custodial staff at the Institute)…
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The Jaded Observations Of Granola-Girl
Hey again, Corporate sell-outs. Thanks for taking a second from gnawing the flesh off whatever deep fried, processed, chocolate coated meat stick you’ve been munching on to partake in a little worldly wisdom. You know that skank, Margie, who slaves for the man at the local google-plex? Well, she’s way jealous of me because I’m…
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The Jaded Observations of Granola-Girl
What’s up, corporate sell-outs? Well, I went out looking for a job again today. I totally went to Starbuck’s and that hydroponics place down by the evil entity known as Wal-Mart. OBVIOUSLY, I didn’t get hired at either of those places due to their refusal to accommodate my personal beliefs. As most of you know,…
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Revolution?
Violence erupted at an Occupy Wallstreet rally in Oakland Wednesday as police released tear gas and smoke grenades into the bovinesque mass of pseudo-hippies, scattering tents, bongos, and granola throughout the streets. “This is an outrage,” Michael Moore exclaimed from one of his residences. “If I didn’t already have a reservation at Golden Corral tonight,…
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