Loser News

News you didn’t know you didn’t need…


Category: Philosophy & Science

  • A Commentary on Gun Control with The Hulk

    HUlK MAd!! TIreD hEArInG pEOpLE wHiNe aBOuT gUN COntROL! GUn nOT sMAsH pEoPLe! HULK SmASh pEOplE!! WhILe mAKinG AvENGerS MovIE, wHiNey gUY wItH BoW aND ArRoW KeEP tELLiNG HULK tHAt guNS BaD wHILE HULK tRy tO gET SoMEtHInG tO eAT FRoM cATeRInG LINe! HULK jUSt wANT sANdWicH!! NoT cARe! PuNY GuNS nO HuRt HULK, aNYwaY!!…

  • Study Proves “Maybe”!!

    Asteroid belts similar to the one between Mars and Jupiter appear to be rare beyond our solar system, implying that complex alien life may be rare as well, a new study reports. Fewer than 4 percent of known alien solar systems are likely to have an asteroid belt like the one in our own neck…

  • The Jaded Observations of Granola-Girl

    What’s up, corporate sell-outs? Well, I went out looking for a job again today. I totally went to Starbuck’s and that hydroponics place down by the evil entity known as Wal-Mart. OBVIOUSLY, I didn’t get hired at either of those places due to their refusal to accommodate my personal beliefs. As most of you know,…

  • Catching Crunchers-with L. Ron Hubbard

    Greetings dudes, dorks, and dweebs! Ya know, kooks and grommets are always asking me, “L. Ron, why are you so off the Richter?” Well brohams, just hop on the stern and watch out for spongers, cuz we’re about to shoot the pier. Now, most days I’m locked inside the Green Room, maxxing out on honkers, and…