Loser News

News you didn’t know you didn’t need…


Category: Philosophy & Science

  • Scientists Find Building Blocks of Life on Blastocyst

    Scientists have found the “building blocks” of life on an interplanetary body known as Blastocyst, where they have discovered complex organic molecules. The study on the matter, published this week in the peer-reviewed journal Nature, is based off of data from NASA’s Zucchini spacecraft. “It is the first time we’ve really looked at Blastocyst as a…

  • Discouraged Astronomers Pander to Lemmings

    In a Twainian twist, frustrated scientists involved in the search for extrasolar planets are offering John Q. Public the “opportunity” to assist in the search for interstellar real estate. “It’s only fair that we share the thrill of space exploration with the people that make it possible,” observed Dr. Guillem Anglada-Escudé of the Queen Mary…

  • Bighorn Sheep Population at Record High!! Sheep Enthusiasts Enthused!

    Southern California’s bighorn sheep population is flourishing, according to a census of bighorn sheep conducted in November. Scientists speculate this is due, primarily, to rampant promiscuity among the Golden State’s Ovis Canadensis demographic. Wildlife biologist, Jerry Davenport, of the California Department of Fish and Wildlife, was “way juiced” at recording 588 sheep this year. “Sure,…

  • Gouging the Granny Lane- with Maya Angelou

    I’ve learned that no matter how greasy things get, or how many Schneider eggs there are on the big road, if you keep on the downstroke, life will provide a sandbox in the short-short. I’ve learned that you can dig out a hard ankle by the way they motor on when they’re beating the bushes…