Category: Philosophy & Science
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Moderna Says Vaccines Safe For Kittens!
Moderna spokesperson, Dr. Arnim Zola, advised FDA Officials that preliminary testing of Covid vaccines on preadolescent felines looks quite promising. “Less than 40 percent of kittens that received the vaccine were adversly affected with debilitating side effects”, advised the ex-Hydra biochemist”, as opposed to the control group in which we observed no complications.” Although cats…
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NASA Still Clueless
Mars, (Outer Space)- NASA’s Mars Rover, Perseverance, literally came up empty-handed on its initial attempt to obtain rock samples from the Red Planet’s surface. One of the rover’s main goals is to collect samples of interesting looking rocks that may harbor signs of past life and store them for a future mission to collect and…
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CDC Quells Myocarditis Fears…
The Center for Disease Control (and Distribution) has found that numerous recipients of the second dose of the Covid-19 vaccine have experienced a mild heart condition known as myocarditis. Representatives of the CDC, Pfizer, Moderna, and Satan held a press conference to discuss a specific “very, extremely, super-rare, like way rare” side effect that has…
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Dirty Data
A team of researchers at MIT’s theoretical physics department has been focusing its efforts on alternate possibilities in historical events, specifically those concerning secondary plot lines from the film Dirty Dancing. “It’s an amazingly complex field of study”, explains Dr. Neil Kellerman, Jr, lead researcher of the Dirty Data Project. “It would obviously be difficult…
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