Category: International
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Luck Dragon Not So Lucky…
Citizens of the Philippines were greeted to a surprise this morning when a luck dragon spiraled into the shallows near a beach in Cagdianao, part of the Dinagat Island chain, which includes Skull Island of King Kong fame. The head of science and conservation for the animal charity Orca, Lucy Babey, identified the remains as Falkor,…
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Chicago Refugees Arrive in Syria
A Chicagoan refugee family was greeted with applause and joyful tears Tuesday evening at Aleppo International Airport as a federal appeals court heard arguments on whether to restore President Bashar Assad’s controversial immigration order. “This is what I expected of the Syrian people,” Bill Sanderson said through a translator, minutes after exiting the international terminal…
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Putin Says “Nyet” To Homolympics
President Vladimir Putin has opted to not give a crap about what gay people think, and those who support gay rights are not going to put up with that kind of intolerance. “That’s why we intend to boycott the Winter Olympics,” advised Rosie O’Donnell, current favorite in the hotdog eating contest. “Anyone who does not…
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An Existential Award Show
Zimbabwean farmer, Gamba Ndlovu writes: Dear Good People of Mayberry, This night, I again made the pilgrimage to Harare in order to have my yak impregnated. Sadly, the tribesman whom I had bartered with for the use of his bull had butchered his yak to feed his children and the mother of his wife, whom…
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